Happy Birthday to me

Watching the raindrops fall

Today is my birthday. One thing about being born on the 5th of January is that hardly anyone remembers it. Your new classmates whom you just know, don’t even know much about you, much less your birthday. And your old comrades are dreamy from the bliss of the holidays; too tepid about their new semester, to realise it is their friend’s coming of age. So you eventually, give up on celebrating your birthday. It is another commercial gimmick, just like Santa Claus.

I spent the morning playing Ragnarok Online, a bout of mindless farming to pass the dreary time. Only my mother was at home attending to customers, my father and brother have both gone to school. The sky was sunny and the air was clear. I finished the last 2 episodes of Kannagi, a cheerful fickle comedy which made me smile a little. And then it was time for lunch.

I suppose I didn’t want to have lunch alone. I wanted company, even if the person did not know the reason for the invitation. First I called Swee Teck, but he was only going to school at 4. Next, I dialed Kang Jie. As usual he was busy, rushing a project before the day ends. He said that he would make time to have lunch with me, but I fell into a disenchanted mood. I told him to concentrate on his project instead. In my weariness, I didn’t bother calling Miao. I was halfway to Eastpoint when I saw the bus to Tampines Polytechnic passing by. I hesitated, then picked up the phone and called my neighbour Kelw.

He was available =\ So I went with him to the Business canteen and ate chicken cutlet as per his recommendation. In the end, I made him late for class lol. But I was glad to have someone to eat with.

There was another reason why I went to TP. That is because it is close to Tampines. Now that I have finished JC, my bus and train fares have risen, and thus I must scrimp. So after eating, I went to the CPF building in Tampines to seek a job from the job agency there. Actually, I went for Kelly Services, but somehow got into Recruit Express. Hmm, perhaps it was the name of the employment agency. Anyway, aside for a scare that I thought I had lost my NRIC, the fate of my first job is now in their hands.

As taking the train back would hurt my wallet, I walked home instead. The sky was overcast and gray like my mood. I returned home, tired, and scolded my little brother for being stupid and not following my instructions to refine the weapon the optimum way. He just said “Ok”, and left when I commanded him off. Then he returned, holding a box in his hands. He held it in front of me and mumbled “Happy Birthday”. Aww, I was touched. It was probably the first birthday gift I received from him. I immediately regretted berating him. =\

Then I checked my mail. I was surprised to see that my old Bedok South Secondary School friends  still remembered me. Jennifier, Sylvia, Shamini – people whom I have almost forgotten. As well as my playful JC Chinese teacher and yet another playful Malay girl from TPJC. And also a random guy who is a fellow anime fan. I reflected that I don’t even remember their birthdays and felt depressed for not being able to reciprocate in return. Also, the forums which I have once subscribed to, and long cease to visit, continue to send me their birthday greetings. I’ll… appreciate that too.

The afternoon was dreary and I fell into a stupor, only to be woken up by the chime of my smses. It was a birthday greeting from my cousin. I smiled and was about to head back to sleep when my former JC classmates messaged me with an invitation to a steamboat party. I… I had hoped that they would remember my birthday. However, my father was buying pizza back for dinner and I had to finish that first. So I finally reached their place at 7.40 pm.

The food was half gone. I was served the remaining rice, which covered 1/3 of my plate. I sighed, and made conversation. Most of them were full, and relied on me to finish up the food. I tried my best to clean up, even after eating a pizza, chicken wings, etc, as well as a full bowl of mee sua at home. Then they watched a boring Mediacorp drama which has a plot as convoluted as Code Geass, yet was child play to predict. I waited till the show ended at 10pm before announcing my leave. However, they told me to stay back, and Agnes, the host of the party, took out Christmas presents for all. I accepted mine with a feeling of sadness in my heart. So this year would be the same as the previous years. They started playing mahjong, and I was in the group that was watching Desperate Housewives. For the second time, I stood up and said that I was leaving. Agnes again tried to persuade me to stay. She said “I feel so bad. You are like so lonely if you go home alone.” My insides clenched up at the bittersweet irony of her words. Putting on a smile, I said that I would be fine and left.

Walking back though the darkness, I was in a fey mood. I knew that I had always hung on the fringes of society, for I find things like watching dramas and playing mahjong pointless. Although I had always chipped in, participated whenever someone had a birthday, it was only because someone reminded me. But no one celebrated my birthday. This has thus left me with a disillusion of birthday parties. Somehow, I had hoped that this year would be different, before my National Service, and I was disappointed because of it. Perhaps another year…

Alright, I am going down to get myself a drink. Happy birthday to me.